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Jennifer decides to get back at Charlie by dating the ex-con.

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Look, there are a whole bunch of videos tying it all together with Occam’s Duct Tape and scary music, so you know it has to be true.

The Washington Post reports that employees of Comet Ping Pong and other businesses in the area have been targeted for harassment and death threats by people who are absolutely convinced that Hillary Clinton is part of a pedophile ring, because such a thing makes perfect sense: Even Michael Flynn, a retired general whom President-elect Donald Trump has tapped to advise him on national security, shared stories about another anti-Clinton conspiracy theory involving pedophilia. But the fake stories and threats persisted, some even aimed at children of Comet Ping Pong employees and patrons.

Any kind of squiggle or heart design looks exactly like a supposed FBI document from Wikileaks listing all the known secret code symbols for pedophile rings — urban legends site Snopes notes that it was unable to verify whether it’s a real document, but slides from the thing did appear on so that’s evidence of a sex ring in a coffee shop, right?

We should note that after Yr Wonket mocked a part of the conspiracy tale, we also received some very outraged comments from people who accused us of covering up Clinton’s crimes, although we have so far managed not to get any death threats, apparently because we’re only gullible sheeple who can’t think for ourselves like the smart folks who know all the pedophile sex code words.

Wa Po notes in an updated version of its report on Welch’s arrest, “On Sunday, Washington Post reporters involved in this article were the target of online threats shortly after it posted.” You know, because they’re clearly covering up for Clinton, Podesta, and their sex ring, and what kind of monsters would help cover THAT up?

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