Dating cousin jokes

*************************************** IT IS SATURDAY, a crisp Winter’s afternoon, and you’re exactly where you should be: stretched out on the sofa in front of a televised sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. enters the room and says, “What exactly do you think you’re doing? Women are expert at posing questions that seem to have no right answer. ” There is no answer to this question that won’t be interpreted as “yes”. This doesn’t work, but all the other options are worse. In these two cases a disdainful and dismissive “beats me” should do the trick, but don’t try that with the shoe dilemma, or you’ll miss your reservation. She wants a heartfelt expression of your feelings and an honest assessment of your future together, and you want an easier question. “For God’s sake, Elaine”, said her mother, “you and Ron have to see a marriage counselor. “we just don’t seem to have much fun together anymore, at least not like we used to.” “Tell me about your sex life” said Anne Rogers.

Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. There are several other questions for which “no” is the only answer, and several more that call for an emphatic and unqualified yes. Instead, suggest that she try on the other shoes, then tell her the first ones look better. There is certainly no point in answering a toe-curling query like this one without at least a rough idea of precisely what it is she wants to hear. Ron’s a wonderful guy, and you’ll never find anyone who’d be as good to you as he is.” So Elaine phoned her cousin Harriet, who’d been through marriage troubles herself, to get the name of a good counselor. “She’s the best there is.” So Elaine brought Ron to their first counseling session and Anne got right to it. “Oh, we have a great sex life” said Ron defensively. You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show. You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach. You don’t have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway. You don’t have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores. The farthest south you’ve ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

This question is of a piece with two others: “Have you forgotten what today is? You probably brought this rebuke on yourself by mentioning that you reckon Brad Pitt is getting a little chubby or by speculating that Jack Nicholson doesn’t have to wait until his birthday for oral sex. TOO TRUE TO BE GOOD: “A see-through nightie in that window back there that would be perfect on you.” TOO OBVIOUS: “Nothing.” WAY TOO OBVIOUS: “That blonde bird over there with the big… nothing.” Here’s one that requires a little interpretation. ” This one often crops up whenever some kind of emergency or seemingly unsolvable problem arises.

”, are ways of gently reminding you how much of a factor pity was in her original decision to go out with you, and how that decision could be rescinded if you behave in any way that cannot be described as abject. NOT SPECIFIC ENOUGH: “That thing.” TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE: “A diamond necklace in that window back there that would be perfect on you”.

” This question and its cousin, the almost always uncalled for “Who do you think you are? ” TOO SPECIFIC: “The rust around the bolts on the handle on the flap of the letterbox”.

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